The importance of being discerning
And why I had to fire my hairdresser
If you’ve ever played that childhood game where a message is whispered from one person to the next, you’ll know that human understanding is always tinged by the filters and perceptions of our life experiences and understanding.
Our perception is limited by our human senses, which are different from the senses of other creatures.
For example, we know that other animals have access to different light and sound frequencies than we do.
This tells us something important - we only ever know the part of the story we can perceive, and there’s always more that we can’t see, hear or feel.
We also know that human perception is coloured by life experiences, which are unique to each of us.
Differences in perception can be anything from heartbreaking (i.e. relationship breakdowns), to tragic (such as wars).
There’s a beautiful Sanskrit prayer called Shanti Path
It’s a peace mantra, which begins with these two lines:
Asato mā sadgamaya (From ignorance, lead me to truth)
Tamasomā jyotir gamaya (From darkness, lead me to light)
Which is useful to keep in mind when you’re learning and practicing discernment.
Btw, the words “lead me” are not asking anyone except YOU, to lead you to the truth!
From ignorance, lead me to truth…
Figuring out what’s real vs unreal.
In the same way that when you’re sorting what’s junk vs not junk in your personal belongings… the obvious stuff stands out. Ever noticed how you’ll often keep objects you’ve attach emotion and sentiment to, even though they might be junk in someone else’s eyes?
The more junk you clear out, the more spacious your environment becomes. However, on your journey to understand truth, there’ll always be more to clarify. Especially as you grow, learn and live more years on this planet.
From darkness, lead me to light…
If you’re looking for something and walk into a room without the lights on, it can be much more difficult to find what you’re looking for!
Light illuminates and clarifies. Of course, it also casts shadows.
So it’s important to be mindful of that, and learn to understand what’s in your shadow, too.
As children, our conditioning is to absorb what we’re taught
We’re asked to listen and learn, so that we understand “how to human”. Which we do via being completely dependent on those around us – parents, extended family, school teachers.
Our initial learning might include such tasks how to get dressed, when and what to eat, learning to tie your shoe laces, when wake up and go to bed, and learning subjects that the school curriculum deems important.
Often, what we’re taught by our parents will be the same or the polar opposite of what our parents learned from their parents.
Say your parents were racist. You might make a firm stance to never be racist.
Or your family might be fans of a specific sports team. They teach you that the only team you can ever possibly be a fan of is that same team. I’ve even heard of family fights breaking out because someone changed allegiance to another team!
There can also be consequences or punishments if we dare to go against the beliefs and preferences of our family.
And the question is, are you prepared to change your mind, even if it means going against the way you were brought up?
We’re students of life from the moment we’re born
It becomes natural to trust those in the role of parent or teacher, because that’s what we’ve always done.
This learning style continues from primary to high school, and perhaps into university and then into our working lives.
But our perception as children is very much limited by what we’re told.
Exhibit A: I remember a beautiful dog my maternal grandparents had when I was a kid. His name was Swaggie, and we loved him. He was some kind of border collie mix, I think. One day, Swaggie bit my brother and after that, Swaggie didn’t live with my grandparents anymore. We were told he’d been sent to live on a farm, which would be a better life for him. We’d ask about Swaggie and how he was doing for a long time. Which must’ve been tricky for my grandparents! The penny didn’t drop for me until I was in my 40’s. I never forgot Swaggie, but I can guarantee you that he never went to live on that farm.
As part of growing up and maturing, it’s useful to decondition ourselves from the mindset of believing what we’re told.
Most of us aren’t taught critical thinking, ever
Critical thinking = discernment = questioning the narrative
Some people consider questioning the narrative to belong to the realm of conspiracy theorists, but forget that the premise of science and innovation is just that… looking outside the official story on anything and everything.
Questioning what we’ve been told is the truth is important to help us learn and grow our understanding of ourselves, and the world around us.
Personally, I also like to think of this as the dance of balancing inner vs outer wisdom.
Which means understanding what you know, learning how to evaluate new information sources, instead of simply relying on other people to teach you and assuming they know better.
Ideally, the balance should be perhaps 70% for inner wisdom, and 30% outer wisdom.
Keep what works. Throw away the rest.
Why is critical thinking/discernment important?
So that when you’re seeking new information, learnings and a reliable teacher, you have the ability to independently assess what’s on offer.
So that you stand in your power and truth, and don’t allow anyone else to over-ride what you think and feel.
So that you learn to trust yourself, and your own judgement.
You’ve got your own back, and know your own mind!
Rigidity in our beliefs = fundamentalism
Recently I had to fire my hairdresser. He’d been managing my wild mane of hair very effectively for the last few years.
Over time, his conversation while cutting my hair has gone from zero religious mentions to overt and multiple references.
Now, I’m fine with people believing whatever they believe. As long as they aren’t hateful or bigoted or narrow minded.
During the last appointment with him, he not only pointedly mentioned his religion multiple times with an enhanced inflection, he also said several things that were just completely untrue.
One of which was that any form of healing that wasn’t the way his religion did it is demonic.
Of course, as someone who’s worked as a Kinesiologist and an intuitive healer for over ten years, it wasn’t okay. I’ve helped many people navigate their physical, emotional or spiritual health issues, and he was saying all of that was demonic.
Personally, I’ve also recovered from PTSD, depresion, anxiety, an autoimmune condition, alopecia and multiple traumas using complementary and traditional forms of healing. According to this person, all of that was demonic.
Yeah, no thanks buddy. We’re no longer in alignment.
I don’t want someone with those sort of beliefs touching my hair or holding me hostage with scissors while they preach at me.
If you can’t change your mind, or if you’re unwilling to see things from other perspectives, then you’re stuck.
Discernment helps us to stay flexible in our thinking.
Some additional thoughts…
One person’s use of the word “fact” or “truth” may differ from someone else’s
Beware of charismatic leaders or teachers who demand that their truth is “more true” than anyone else’s.
The last few years have shown us this on a global stage. What we each consider to be “real” can be very different to the person next to us.
Desire, lust and craving can impact your ability to discern the truth
If there’s something you want – for example a new “thing” you’d like to purchase – then we’ve all got the ability to talk ourselves into the “truth” of why that Thing is necessary.
This can be true for relationships, validation of our stories and beliefs, and so on.
Say for example, you’ve got a strong desire to meet your “soul mate”.
When desire drives your actions, it’s possible to find yourself being vulnerable to someone who does a very good job of matching your desires without really being an appropriate match for you!
It’s also possible to talk yourself into believing someone is “perfect” while overlooking values and behaviours that don’t match what you want. Simply because you crave a certain outcome.
Being sober of mind is an important part of being discerning when making choices for your life.
Revealing the truth is an ever-unfolding task
Knowing what’s real and true, and being able to comprehend with clarity are helpful tools to assist in discernment/knowing what’s right for you.
As we grow and change, so do our needs, and our truth.
For example, my current version of “the truth” is very different to what it was as a teenager, or even this time last year!
So how can you process and understand your truth objectively?
By asking yourself questions – also known as personal inquiry – which allows you to examine your assumptions, beliefs and perceptions. The questions I’m referring to are those ones you might prefer not to look at.
Like… “Is what I believe about this person/situation a convenient assumption?”
Asking the so-called “hard questions” instead of simply accepting everything that’s presented to you as “true”, is a hallmark of self-care and managing the integrity of your boundaries.
It’s important to investigate life experiences, opinions, ideas and what you learn from others… from many different angles.
So that you’re not solely being influenced by other people’s opinions and ideas at the expense of your own. Popular opinion, gossip mags and social media have an undue level of influence on what we think, whether we like it or not.
Any and all theories, concepts and beliefs – yours and other people’s – must be able to hold integrity no matter how we look at them.
Useful tools for developing discernment include…
Meditation – stillness, quiet, and space to simply “be” can offer swift access to your inner wisdom.
I’ll always remember sitting in meditation and hearing very specific and clear advice about a relationship that needed to end. I received that advice well before I was ready to take action on it!Journaling – letting your thoughts and feelings escape the confines of your physical self can be a very helpful reflection tool.
Question yourself – where does this belief come from? Where did I first hear those words? Is it something I learned explicitly or by osmosis?
Developing your intuition – is about honing your senses. The more you listen to your intuition, the more accurate it becomes.
Scan your body – the response of the body can be telling, and much faster in helping you work out what’s real vs unreal
ALWAYS check back in with yourself – no matter what you learn in the world or who you learn it from, you’re the expert in you. Don’t give that job to anyone else. Period.
Revise your growth and learning paths regularly – QUESTION… is this still the best teacher/path for you? Check, revise and be true to you, rather than worrying about how others will feel if you change direction.
Friends who’ll tell it like it is – such peeps are worth their weight in gold. They’re in your life, they can often seen what you don’t want to see. I adore and treasure my besties. They’ve saved my butt numerous times with their honesty and support.
Stay committed to questioning what you believe to be true
This is your only protection against falling prey to propoganda, politics, and anyone who would manipulate you for their own benefit.
So keep honing your discernment, asking questions, and hold yourself to account with what’s true and real.
It might just save your life.
About the author
Ambha Roberts is a holistic Kinesiologist and intuitive healer based on the Sunshine Coast, QLD Australia. She works with clients both in-person and online, all over the world.
Ambha is also currently training to become a facilitator of Systemic Family Constellations.
Ambha is intimately familiar with ancestral and past life patterning and how that impacts our present day experience of life, love, conflict, power dynamics, trauma, and so much more.
You can get a free copy of her video course The Boundaries Playbook (an introduction) by signing up to her mailing list.
If you're feeling called to work with Ambha 1:1, please visit the Work with me page on her website.